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A student lied about an assignment recently and it has thrown me for a loop. I am disappointed. I've drafted that post three times today, but it's one that will need to sit awhile.
I keep coming back to consequences, character and compassion. How do we act compassionately while still teaching students that character matters.
When we lie we face consequences. When we cheat on our taxes or speed down the highway, we risks consequences. There's no sugar coating that truth.
High school students, like the rest of us, sometimes make bad decisions. Sometimes they act in the moment and don't realize the consequences (executive functioning after all isn't fully functional). Sometimes those mistakes are minor--on a scale of one to ten they fall at a five or below-- cheating on a homework assignment, making up an excuse or lying about why something wasn't completed. I don't think those are gateway "crimes", but I do think that they indicate a need for a change in course. They indicate a need for conversation and instruction. They are not life threatening mistakes like weapons, drugs, fights and the like, but they matter too.
So how do you shape students' characters? How do you turn mistakes into learning opportunities? Can we compassionately correct, in ways that teach instead of shame (as Pam said on Brian's post about a tech mistake yesterday). What would you do?
That's what's on my mind today. What about you?
I love that you are thinking about this. how about trying a little collaborative problem solving, Ross Green style, if you aren't familiar livesinthebalance.org is a great resource . . .
ReplyDeleteTough. But, it's one of those teaching moments in which we guide our kids towards accountability. No easy answers...
ReplyDelete"guide our kids toward accountability"-- that is what I want to do. I like the phrase.
DeleteI think about this a lot. You write about it well.
ReplyDeleteI love that you are taking time to let it sit so you can think about the best response. That already is a great response to begin with.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Beth.
DeleteThis is one of those tough ones. I seem to handle it differently whenever it happens. For me, it depends on the kid. I find if I talk to the student and see what I can find out about what brought about the lie, it helps me with the consequence. I don't know if that helps, but that's what I do
ReplyDeleteI'm like that too, Deb. It depends on the student. Your comment about the cause is helpful too. Asking why or what's going on will give me more context.
DeleteI agree with Deb. I talked with the students at times like this...and it depended on the reaction and the student on what I would do. Sometimes, just being confronted in a non-threatening manner will give them the opportunity to realize their mistake. Jackie http://familytrove.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteI certainly hope the conversation gives them pause.
DeleteI agree with talking to the student. I mentioned a website in my first post, I just like the site and am not trying to promote anything, it gives you tools for what to say to get the student talking, and let them know you are listening. . .non threatening way
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy. I appreciate you sharing the resource!
DeleteI have to say it depends too, on the student and what you know about him or her, but as for the consequences, I tried very hard to relate them to the infraction/crime. I'm sorry it happened, used to hate it when I would figure out that something like this had happened, and knew that I had to act although there was always a tiny part of me that wished I could ignore it. I wonder if many know how much teachers worry over this, trying to do what is the right thing for someone who did something wrong. Good for you, Lee Ann!
ReplyDeleteI do hate it, Linda. I want everyone to be on the up and up and as excited about learning and school as I am. It isn't always that way. Sometimes it's my fault (not engaging enough or what have you) but I hate it when I have to witness lying or poor decisions.
DeleteI really struggled with this last week. I had a student in my switch class that was: cyber bullying another child, cheating, and saying inappropriate things at school. I tried to breathe, walk away, and come back. When I did, I came looking at this as a series of red flags. He was self-destructing in fifth grade and I wanted to throw him a life preserver. I did, but time will tell if he chose to grab it or not. In your situation, I think it depends on the kid. If he/ she is usually good, I look at this as a mistake, address and move on. If this is a series, then it's about the flags again and more serious. Good luck! This stuff is exhausting.
ReplyDeleteI remember reading your post last week about how you walked away and came back. It is, exhausting, but it's good to know I'm not the only one. That series of red flags is a good way of thinking about it.
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